New eyes see old pains

What is life? A long road that can be cut short in an instant. To me Death is something to fear and hide from, hoping you get to live till you are a very old person. I'm also not someone who is sure that there is a higher power. I want to, i really want to believe that there is a God. I wish He could show me if he was. Thats what i don't understand. It doesn't remove free will to prove you exist to someone who is in a spiritual and emotional crisis. I desperately need a sign that something more is out there. That there is somewhere free of pain and hatred after death. That in the end we all get to move on into a place that is free from evil and hatred. From people that seek to harm and destroy. Somewhere peaceful. But until i get to the brink between life and death or cross it to true death, i'll probably never know whats waiting. And that scares me to no end. The Unknown is worse then not knowing. Such fear. Such sorrow. Not having something predicted or in my control truly frightens me. When will i see my end? And will i whimper when the time comes? I think i will. I have no courage in the face of death. And i will die a coward, afraid and in pain. I'm so scared to be mortal. If only i could see what i want to see before the time comes. I want to see the stars. Travel to distant worlds and FINALLY see the other races that i believe exist in the universe. My hope for my future is that an alien race visits us and takes pity on the silly humans. Changes our world forever and gives us the ability to travel faster then light and see other worlds. Colonize other worlds. I hope they see us and hear us. I hope they come and save us. PLEASE SAVE US!! Humanity is doomed to forever walk this world and die with it. Or die before it. The Earth is dying and we do nothing to save her. I'm so afraid and lost. So scared.